This week has honestly been a bit of a blur. I was sick this week again which did not help but it was still a week that I am SO grateful to be on a mission. This week I have been thinking a lot about how I often feel like I don't give 100 % of what I could. The thought of coming home and feeling like I did not work hard enough kills me. It is hard because the natural man is so strong. "Sister Engelbrecht, sleeping in for 10 more minutes isn't going to make you a bad missionary" or "you don't want to go tracting, it is really just a waste of time. If you take your time at this appointment you won't have to." It is a constant battle in my head and even admitting that is hard. But you know what that is how I feel. I want to say "I love every second of my mission and everything about it" but that is just not the truth. My goal is to love my mission and to feel like I worked as hard as I could. However, it is a journey not a destination and my desire is there. I have prayed a lot for help with this struggle of mine and this is the answer I have received.
Alma 37:36-37
36 Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.
37 Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.
Now don't get me wrong at all, I really do love the work we do and I am grateful every single day for another day to be a missionary but after doing it 24/7 for 3 transfers now, it is easy to just mindlessly go through each day.
This scripture was shared with me by my STL and changed my perspective completely. What is it that brings me the most joy? The spirit. Everything I love about missionary work is brought by the spirit. The joy on people's faces as they finally understand God's plan for them, meeting people that are different from me and being able to recognize that God put diversity on the earth for a reason but that nonetheless they are my brother or they are my sister. These experiences all had the spirit there to teach me. SO what can I do to have the spirit more? Turn it all over to Him who created me and you. Every part of me needs to be given up. Elder Corbridge from the seventy spoke to us yesterday and said that "the only way to win is to lose". TO lose myself in the Lord. My initial thought was "then where is my will and how will I become what I want to be?" What I learned though, is that the only way to become what I want to be is to give it to the Lord, because all I want is to be happy and see others happy. The only way I can do that is by trusting in my Father in Heaven and my Savior because he has felt that natural man before. I can make myself a smudge of paint on a canvas by myself but truly the Lord can make me a masterpiece.
Love you all,
Sister Engelbrecht
Here are some pictures from the week. The Elders gave us chocolate bunnies and cards to play this week during lunch!
The moon is so gorgeous!
37 Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.
Now don't get me wrong at all, I really do love the work we do and I am grateful every single day for another day to be a missionary but after doing it 24/7 for 3 transfers now, it is easy to just mindlessly go through each day.
This scripture was shared with me by my STL and changed my perspective completely. What is it that brings me the most joy? The spirit. Everything I love about missionary work is brought by the spirit. The joy on people's faces as they finally understand God's plan for them, meeting people that are different from me and being able to recognize that God put diversity on the earth for a reason but that nonetheless they are my brother or they are my sister. These experiences all had the spirit there to teach me. SO what can I do to have the spirit more? Turn it all over to Him who created me and you. Every part of me needs to be given up. Elder Corbridge from the seventy spoke to us yesterday and said that "the only way to win is to lose". TO lose myself in the Lord. My initial thought was "then where is my will and how will I become what I want to be?" What I learned though, is that the only way to become what I want to be is to give it to the Lord, because all I want is to be happy and see others happy. The only way I can do that is by trusting in my Father in Heaven and my Savior because he has felt that natural man before. I can make myself a smudge of paint on a canvas by myself but truly the Lord can make me a masterpiece.
Love you all,
Sister Engelbrecht
Here are some pictures from the week. The Elders gave us chocolate bunnies and cards to play this week during lunch!
The moon is so gorgeous!
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